Words first: custody, residence and contact

Different countries use different words for the same things, which causes confusion. Here is how they match Lithuanian law:

Parental responsibility

(in Lithuanian, tėvų valdžia). The rights and duties both parents have towards their child: upbringing, care, health, education, maintenance. In Lithuania, both parents keep it after separation. It does not move to the parent the child lives with.

Residence

(vaiko gyvenamoji vieta). Where the child lives day to day. This is usually what people mean when they ask “who gets custody”.

Contact

(bendravimas su vaiku). How the parent the child does not live with spends time with the child and takes part in their upbringing. In England this is part of “child arrangements”; elsewhere it is called “access” or “visitation”.

So in Lithuania, “custody” is not one thing that one parent wins. Both parents keep their rights. The questions are where the child lives and how the other parent stays involved.

Agreeing first

Parents can decide these questions together, and many do. An agreement can cover residence, a contact schedule, holidays, travel and maintenance. It can be approved by a court as part of a divorce by mutual consent or separately.

If parents disagree and go to court, Lithuanian law first requires them to try mediation, unless there is domestic violence. A mediator helps parents find an arrangement both can live with. For international families this is often the best route, because a detailed agreement can deal with flights, school holidays in two countries and video calls more flexibly than a court order.

When the court decides

What the court looks at

The court decides on the child’s interests. There is no automatic preference for the mother or the father, and no advantage for being Lithuanian. In practice, courts look at:

  • the child’s attachment to each parent;
  • who has been caring for the child day to day;
  • each parent’s living conditions and the time they can give the child;
  • stability: school, friends, language, wider family;
  • keeping brothers and sisters together;
  • each parent’s willingness to support the child’s relationship with the other parent.

The child’s voice

The court must hear any child who is able to express their views and take their wishes into account, unless those wishes go against the child’s interests. There is no fixed age.

The child protection service

The State Child Rights Protection and Adoption Service must take part in every dispute about children. It assesses the family situation and gives the court a written opinion. The court is not bound by it, but it carries weight.

What the decision says

Where parents disagree, the court sets the child’s residence with one parent and a contact schedule for the other. The law requires the court to give the other parent the widest possible involvement in the child’s life, and to limit contact only where full contact would harm the child.

The parent the child lives with must not obstruct contact. Doing so is treated as an abuse of parental rights.

Questions international parents ask

Does living abroad count against me?

Not as such. But distance shapes what is practical. A parent abroad will usually not see the child every week, so the court tends to set longer blocks of time, such as school holidays, plus regular video calls. A concrete, realistic plan for contact across borders helps your case. See seeing your child in Lithuania when you live abroad.

Does language matter?

It can, but only through the child. If the child’s everyday life is in Lithuanian, at school and with friends, that is part of stability. A parent’s own language is not held against them, and both languages can be a strength for the child.

Can I get information from the school or doctor?

Yes. A parent the child does not live with has the right to receive information about the child from schools, doctors and other institutions. It can be refused only if there is a threat to the child’s health or life from that parent, or in other cases set by law.

An example

Mark, who is British, and Rūta, who is Lithuanian, lived in Vilnius with their son, now seven. After they separate, Mark wants to stay in Vilnius and share the boy’s care equally. Rūta wants the boy to live with her and see his father at weekends.

The case is heard in Vilnius, because that is where the boy lives. Mark’s nationality and his limited Lithuanian do not count against him; he has an interpreter at hearings. The court hears the boy, receives the child protection service’s opinion and looks at who has been doing the school runs, doctor visits and bedtimes. Whatever it decides, the parent the boy does not live with keeps full parental rights and a detailed contact schedule.

Which country’s courts decide?

This is often the first question in an international case. Within the EU, decisions about children generally belong to the courts of the country where the child actually lives (their habitual residence) when the case starts. Nationality does not decide it.

So if your child lives in Lithuania, the case will usually be heard here, even if you live abroad. If the child lives in Ireland, the Irish courts will usually decide, even if both parents are Lithuanian. In limited cases, parents can agree that another country’s courts should decide, if the child has a close connection with that country and it is in the child’s interests.

If one parent has moved the child to another country without agreement, different rules apply. See our guide on international child abduction.